V o l d i e L o c k s

Because my other art journal's username irks me.
Since I mainly draw Harry Potter fanart, I decided to make a livejournal just for those art pieces with a livejournal whose name is related to Harry Potter.

So, behold! voldielocks and a cracked up version of Goldie Locks and the Three Bears:

Voldie Locks was a messed up, evil transvestite lord who lived once upon a time in the Wizarding World.

One day he was sitting on the hearthrug playing with his two kittens, and you would have thought he was as happy as a dark lord, and quite contented to stay where he was instead of wanting to run about the world meddling with other people's lives (and ending them). But it happened that he was rather a mischievous, evil badass, and could not resist teasing his pets, so one of them scratched him, and then he would play with them no longer (because he Aveda Kedavra-ed them).

He got up and trotted away into the wood behind the Riddle Mansion, and it was such a warm, pleasant day that he wandered on and on until he came to Godric's Hollow.

Now, in this wood there lived a family of three Potter Bears. The first was a Great BIG James Potter Bear, the second was a Middle Sized Lily Potter Bear and the third was a little teeny tiny Harry Potter Bear, and they all lived together in a funny little house, and very happy they were.

Voldie Locks stopped when he came to the Potter Bear's house, and began to wonder who lived there.

"I'll just look in and see," he said, and so he did; but there was no one there, for the Potter Bears had all gone out for a morning walk, whilst the soup they were going to have for dinner cooled upon the table.

Voldie Locks was rather hungry after his walk, and the soup smelt so good that he began to wish the people of the house would come home and invite him to have some (and kill the Potters afterwards). But although he looked everywhere, under the table and into the cupboards, he could find no one, and at last he could resist no longer, but made up his mind to eat as much as he bloody pleased. The soup had been put into three bowls - A GREAT BIG BOWL for the GREAT BIG JAMES POTTER BEAR, a middle-sized bowl for the middle-sized Lily Potter bear, and a teeny tiny bowl for the teeny tiny Harry Potter Bear; beside each bowl lay a spoon, and Voldielocks took one and helped herself to a spoonful of soup from the GREAT BIG BOWL.

Ugh! how it burnt his mouth; it was so hot with pepper that he did not like it at all; still, he was very hungry, so he thought he would try again. They are so gonna, like, get it, thought Voldie Locks.

This time she took a sip of the Middle-sized Lily Potter Bear's soup, but he liked that no better, for it was too salty. But when he tasted the teeny tiny Harry Potter Bear's soup, it was just as he liked it; so he ate it up every drop, without thinking twice about it.

When he had finished his diner he noticed three chairs standing by the wall. One was a GREAT BIG CHAIR, and he climbed upon that and sat down. Oh dear! how hard it was! He was sure he could not sit there for long, so he climbed up on the next, which was a MIDDLING-SIZED CHAIR, but that was too soft for his taste; so she went on to the last, which was a TEENY TINY CHAIR and suited him exactly.

It was so comfortable that he sat on and on until, if you'll believe it, he actually sat the bottom out. Then, of course, he was comfortable no longer, so he got up and began to wonder what he should do next.

There was a staircase in the Potter Bears' house, and Voldielocks thought he would go up it and see where it led to. So up he went, and when he reached the top he laughed evilly outright, for the Bears' bedroom was the funniest he had ever seen. In the middle of the room stood a GREAT BIG BED, on one side of it there was a Middle-sized bed, and on the other side there was a Teeny Tiny Bed.

Voldielocks was sleepy, so he thought she would lie down and have a little nap and have his evilly refreshing sleep. First he got upon the GREAT BIG BED, but it was just as hard as the GREAT BIG CHAIR had been; so he jumped off and tried the Middle-sized bed, but it was so soft that he sank right down into the feather cushions and was nearly smothered.

"I will try the Teeny Tiny Bed," he said, and so he did, and it was so comfortable that he soon fell fast asleep.

Whilst he lay there, dreaming of all sorts of ~~pleasant~~ evil things, the three Potter Bears came home from their walk very hungry and quite ready for their dinners.

But oh! Dear Merlin! how cross the GREAT BIG BEAR looked when he saw his spoon had been used and thrown under the table.

"WHO THE BLOODY HELL HAS BEEN TASTING MY SOUP?" he cried in a GREAT BIG VOICE.

"And who the bloody fuck has been tasting mine?" cried the Middle-sized Lily Potter Bear, in a Middle-sized voice.

"But who has been tasting mine and tasted it all up?" cried the poor little Teeny Tiny Harry Potter Bear, the stupid emo, in a teeny tiny voice, with tears running down his teeny tiny face.

When the GREAT BIG JAMES POTTER BEAR went to sit down in his GREAT BIG CHAIR, he cried out in his GREAT BIG VOICE:

"WHO HAS BEEN SITTING ON MY CHAIR?"

And the Middle-sized Lily Potter Bear cried, in a Middle-sized voice:

"Who has been sitting in my bloody fucking chair? Bang, bang, bang."

But the Teeny Tiny Harry Potter Bear cried out in a teeny tiny of ~~anger~~ emo sadness:

"Who has been sitting in my chair and sat the bottom out?"

But this time the Potter Bears were sure that someone had been in their house quite lately; so they looked about to see if someone were not there still.

There was certainly no one downstairs, so they went up the staircase to their bedroom.

As soon as the GREAT BIG JAMES POTTER BEAR looked at his bed, he cried out in his GREAT BIG VOICE:

"WHO HAS BEEN LYING ON MY BED?"

And the MIDDDLING-SIZED Lily Potter BEAR cried out in a MIDDLING-SIZED VOICE:

"Bollocks! Who has been laying in my bed?"

But the TEENY TINY Harry Fucking Potter BEAR cried out in a TEENY TINY VOICE of anger:

"Who has been laying on my bed and is lying there still?"

Now, when the GREAT BIG JAMES POTTERBEAR began to speak, Voldielocks dreamt that there was a prophecy, and when the MIDDLING-SIZED LILY POTTER BEAR began to speak, he dreamt teeny tiny Harry Potter Bear was destined to ruin his plans of evil-ness; but when the TEENY TINY HARRY POTTER BEAR began to speak, she dreamt that he had to kill teeny tiny Harry Potter Bear, and up he jumped.

He hopped out of bed and in a second he was dueling with Great Big James Potter Bear. He killed him with ease, and then turned to Lily Potter Bear. Voldielocks killed her, too. However, when he turned to Harry Potter Bear ~~he thought he was pretty cute and Harry Potter thought Voldielocks Tom Riddle dude was cute, and they banged on the teeny tiny bed~~, his Killing Curse backfired! And shit happened.

Current Mood: tired

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